Most people often worry about what other people think of them. It doesn't matter if they are close friends or strangers from the street. Psychologists say that such behavior is connected with our perception of ourselves as individuals. It often happens that the choice, whether it is a job or even a choice of a couple for a relationship, is given to us much more difficult because of the fear of judgment and criticism from others. Therein lies one of the greatest personalities. What is independence from the opinions of others?
Why do we pay attention to the opinions of others, even if we don’t want to at all
Sometimes criticism from the outside is very useful, and sometimes even the fear of condemnation saves us from doing wrong things. If everyone absolutely did not care about the opinions of the people around, then the norms of morality would immediately fade into the background. Someone would start running naked in public places, someone would start fights, and passers-by would pass by, and so on. Therefore, here we can make an obvious conclusion that the fear of condemnation can perform a useful protective function for the body. Why do we pay attention to what people around think about us, how not to pay attention to the opinions of others? Everything is simple here. Our own perception of our personality is based on the good and bad opinions of the people around us. It works like this: people around you are sure that you are a nice, kind person who will always come to the rescue, and each person strives to maintain his image so that his own perception of personality does not suffer. But, unfortunately, everything is not so simple, because personality is not about what people around think, it's just you and me. The question of what people will say should remain in the past.
Why do we need the opinion of others
Of course, it is hardly possible not to pay 100% attention to the opinions of people around. Even the most self-confident listen to the criticism of people dear to them. We all live in a society, therefore, to some extent, we always depend on the opinions of people. And that's okay. However, the problem of excessive anxiety and even the most real dependence on what others say is the real problem of not one thousand, but even hundreds of thousands of people.
We live in limitations that we have created for ourselves. This prevents us from living a full, vibrant life, opening up to something new and enjoying every little thing around. Just imagine what the world would be like if each person did only what he liked, communicated only with those who he liked, lived the way he wanted, and not as prescribed by society. Probably, the Earth would begin to rotate faster from that energy, if each person did not pay attention to the opinions of others. Such a life is the purpose of the existence of almost every person. At least it should be. Repeat to yourself: "I don't care what they think of me." Now you need to figure out what to do if the opinion of others has become a real addiction.
How to overcome the fear of condemnation and not pay attention to the opinions of people around
Recognizing the problem is already half the battle in solving it. The problem of dependence on others has been studied by psychologists for more than a decade. You can try to solve it using the following rules, which everyone should learn. How to change your attitude to someone else's opinion?
Do not invent unnecessary problems
If your every word or deed is not complete without endless thoughts about what others will say, congratulations - you have an addiction. To start a fight with it, just try to realize that you are not the center of the universe, and most of those around you are simply not up to you, they are also busy thinking about what others will say about themselves. So if you feel like you're being judged, just think about the fact that it's likely that others don't care. Try the situation on yourself, you don’t think about every first person you meet, making a detailed opinion about everyone. The following exercise will help to realize this state of affairs: do something that seems out of the ordinary for you and see how others react to it. You will notice that you will only hear the comment from your friends or acquaintances, when the rest just pass by with complete indifference. Remember, no one thinks about you, except for your relatives.
Just think for a second that we all live once and life is a very short thing, it turns out, are you ready to let the opinions and thoughts of strangers ruin this very life for you? Sounds stupid, right? Once you start thinking about all the problems from this angle, you will realize that most of them are simply not worth your attention. Psychologists advise not to take into account the opinions of other people for another good reason: their views change dramatically over time. This is especially true for fashion. Let's say you were one of the first to buy a fanny pack and heard a lot of ridicule around. They came home, got upset, threw the bag on the farthest shelf, and two weeks later every second person walks with such an accessory. Shall we get the bag back? And this applies to any little thing, whether it's a haircut, whether it's the shape of the eyebrows. In this world, everything changes, and human opinion in the first place.
How not to depend on the opinions of others
Everything is simple here, in order not to depend on the opinions of others, you just need to minimize those cases when we have to think about the opinions of others. Fortunately, this is possible, you just need to be confident in yourself and your actions. Probably, every person in his life has encountered such a “phenomenon”, which, despite the strange clothes, speech, behavior, was normally perceived by the people around him without a drop of condemnation. It turns out that if you are confident in yourself and in your actions, this confidence is transmitted by airborne droplets to the people around you. If you put on a brand new fanny pack and feel as uncomfortable as possible on the street with it, the people around you will also begin to treat you. And some will even find it necessary to assert themselves at your expense. But the situation changes dramatically if you walk confidently with the same bag, with your head held high, completely ignoring everyone around. In that case, what will others do? They will say that they also want such a bag. This will make it easier to ignore the opinions of others.
Self love is the foundation
If you constantly condemn yourself, hate yourself, and so on, of course, you will not leave the thought that the people around you have the same opinion about you. Here the problem lies in self-created beliefs. Accepting yourself is not so easy, often you can’t even do without the help of a psychologist, but this is really a great solution to the problem. Let's try to figure out how to accept yourself. Let's start by analyzing what you don't like about yourself and it would be best to write it down point by point on paper. Now evaluate what you wrote and think about how to change it in yourself.
The most banal thing is that you are a complete person, decide how you can fix it. Choose the right clothes to feel comfortable, or get rid of extra pounds. Sometimes what we don't like about ourselves, we can't change. For example, growth. In that case, just think about the fact that things could be even worse than they are. There will always be more "imperfect" people in your understanding with the same problem. But here, too, there is a danger, it will be even more difficult to accept yourself if you start looking for flaws in everyone and constantly analyze what else could be changed in yourself. The task of accepting yourself is to make it the way you are. And only after some time you will come to realize how insignificant the thoughts that were spinning in your head earlier can be considered. You will begin to take everything easier and stop driving yourself into a corner over trifles. As the well-known R. Bradbury wrote, each person can get what he needs, but only if you really need it. Learn that the opinion of others in psychology means almost nothing.
Control yourself
Don't know how to ignore the opinions of others? Control yourself! If you have your own point of view - this does not mean that you need to ignore someone else's opinion. There will always be people who have more experience, therefore, they are more competent in some areas and can help you build a business, for example. Before you make a decision, you need to understand whether it is due to your own needs or imposed by others. Often it may seem that the decision was made on our own, but in reality it turns out that our parents, spouse, friends did it for us, and we simply voiced their will as our desire.
The most banal example - it's time to get married, the clock is ticking, everyone already has a family, but you don't. And then the search begins for “well, at least someone”, just to be like everyone else. People buy what they don't need because it's fashionable, pretend to be someone they aren't just to meet other people's expectations. Therefore, before making a decision, be sure to think about whether you need it, otherwise it is very easy to go astray. Fear of the opinions of others is the killer of dreams.
Learn to ignore other people's opinions if they are not constructive.
Criticism is good, but only if it is justified. The famous writer Elbert Hubbrad believed that if a person is afraid that his actions will be criticized, then "do nothing, say nothing and be nothing." Naturally, no one wants to "be a nobody", so we learn to accept constructive criticism addressed to us and analyze it.
The well-known Steve Jobs in his speech to Stanford graduates said: "Your time is limited, do not waste it living someone else's life."
Criticism from experienced, competent people, which is reasoned and justified, will only help you develop and grow. Oscar Wilde said that those who cannot create something of their own criticize without reason, and thus people simply assert themselves. They need to be pitied, and it is better to treat them with humor and slight irony. Thus, you can stop thinking about the opinions of others.
What is self-doubt
Self-doubt is your biggest enemy, which prevents you from achieving your goals and success in any business. And if fear is a completely normal feeling that accompanies any undertakings, then self-doubt can be called the biggest problem. And this applies to absolutely every area of life. Whether it is the decision to start a business, a change of job or profession, the choice of a future couple, and any important step in life can be accompanied by doubts, endless analysis. However, it is these doubts that can become a real problem in the process of making the right decision. And if doubt is the norm, then self-doubt is the worst enemy.
Uncertainty, it is different
Now let's try to figure out how to get rid of the feeling of constant self-doubt that haunts everywhere. Someone doubts their external beauty, someone is not sure of their professional abilities, someone believes that they are not worthy of a good relationship. They're just not sure they can handle it. You can fight this with two simple exercises, it is only important to do them on a regular basis for at least a month. Ideally, as long as it takes to forget about your pernicious insecurities forever. So, let's start the exercises that will teach you how not to depend on the opinions of others:
- The first exercise is to leave behind phrases such as "I'm fat," "I'm not pretty," "I'm dumb," and so on. This is at least impolite towards those who really have problems and physical defects in appearance. Now we make it a habit to smile every free minute at our reflection in the mirror and start every morning with three compliments in ourselves. Works flawlessly! And the last rule of this exercise is to correct the shortcomings that haunt you. Don't like being overweight? Drop a couple of pounds, this is the best thing you can do for yourself and your health. And then there are makeup artists, hairdressers, cosmetologists, the essence of whose work is to make their clients beautiful and happy. It's up to you. If there is no extra money, you can always take care of yourself at home.
- Never be afraid of mistakes. Constantly remind yourself that all great people went to their success through mistakes, blunders. What would happen if each of them gave up? The world would be deprived of many worthy discoveries, music, inventions. We all know that only those who do nothing do not make mistakes. The phrase is as old as the world, but does not lose its relevance to this day. Little motivation? Study the biographies of famous people, and you will understand that mistakes are not the lot of the weak, this is normal.
- Remember that you, like everyone else, deserve to be happy. Repeat to yourself every morning one phrase: "I can handle it." All the people you admire started small. It was easier for some and harder for others than for you. But what would happen if every millionaire, when he worked as a postman, like Donald Trump, doubted his abilities? They took risks, they won, they fell and rose. And the same is waiting for you. Try keeping a diary of your accomplishments, but don't be shy and get out of your comfort zone as often as possible. If something new scares you to the core, then it's time to do something new. Several times a week, do something unusual, in other words, leave your comfort zone.
To maximize the effect of the exercises, and it would be easier to track your changes in yourself, start a diary where you mark your achievements and mistakes, which can then be easily analyzed.
Watch a video from Vladimir Dovgan in which he shares his experience on the opinions of others and gives vivid examples from life:
History of Michael Dell
Michael Dell created one of the largest corporations in the world. You probably know about the Dell brand or have heard about it. When he studied at the university, he began to assemble computers in the hostel. He really liked this occupation and, moreover, began to generate income, which increased over time. Michael Dell had a dilemma - what to choose? Is your business interesting or boring lectures? He dropped out of university.
When his parents unexpectedly came to him, they saw a room littered with computers. And they see that their child has dropped out of university. And for parents, especially if they are parents of workers, collective farmers, farmers - for them a higher education or some prestigious university, you know, this is a dream. And, of course, Michael Dell's parents quarreled with him very much, quarreled. They didn't understand him. And they were very offended, pushed him away.
In his memoirs, Michael writes: “Only years later I forgave my parents and, probably, they forgave me.” He did not listen to the opinions of others, his relatives and chose what he liked. That is why his company became a multi-billion dollar company.
Fathers and Sons
Contradictions between generations, between unconscious parents and children have always been, are and will be. But this does not mean that you should follow the path chosen by someone for you. You need to find compromises, you need to respect your parents, love them. Everything must be done to minimize their injury. But if there is a choice, go your own way or be pleasing to your parents, live according to their ideas, live according to their ideas about success, about your career, in general, in principle, about the future, then, of course, you need to choose your own path.
If you betray your purpose, your path, your passion, your love for a woman, for business or for development, what will happen? Yes, you will become a miserable person. You will play a false role, you will try to please your parents and you will miss your life. And when you are unhappy, you will not make anyone happy. Only doing what you love, only when you fall in love with your loved one, can you be happy.
Modern time today, modern time is different. Parents, the older generation does not always even understand what kind of world you live in and what awaits you tomorrow. They can't even imagine it. They measure everything with their line, their experience. However, respect for parents, love is the basis of your success. Be happy. Go your own way.
How do you feel about the opinion of others, the majority, when it comes to your actions?
The opinions of others affect everyone in one way or another. Usually these are not the words of the first person you meet, but the arguments of relatives or acquaintances, work colleagues. If taken too personally, they can have a serious impact on our lives. That being said, there is a big difference between considering someone else's point of view and worrying about it.
If you just take into account the words of others, then this will mean that you respect their views. If they have too much influence on you, then you can become a person who listens to anyone but himself. To please others is a desire that is inherent in human nature. But the extent to which we allow others to influence us is up to us. How to stop paying attention to the opinions of others if its influence is too strong? Let's look at a few things to keep in mind.
- The best way to stop being subject to someone else's assessment is to change the company or team, if, of course, there is such an opportunity. Often we feel "out of our element" and cannot determine the true causes of what is happening around. The problem, which, at first glance, lies in ourselves, in fact, has a completely different origin. We cannot influence how other people behave and do. Therefore, if you think that gossip in your work or study team goes beyond all acceptable limits, think about whether it is possible to make your life easier and change this team to a more humane one.
- In any circumstance, remember that people don't think about you as much as they might seem. They spend most of their time thinking about themselves and what is important to them. You and your behavior actually do not come into their field of vision so often. Think for a moment: how often do you think about what decision your friend made? Well, perhaps it excites you to some extent, but still not so much that you think about it day and night.
- Remember who you really are. Within ourselves, each of us knows our strengths and weaknesses, strengths and weaknesses. Unfortunately, many people, even having reached a very respectable age, cannot learn to distinguish adult life from school. They begin to judge and evaluate a person, without even really understanding who he is, what he is. There are others like them. They, having long gone through all the hormonal storms of adolescence, remain psychologically immature, trying to raise their self-esteem at the expense of others. Unfortunately, this is not the best way for them - after all, in this case, their self-esteem is based not on an internal sense of their own worth, but on the reputation of another person that they have damaged.
Therefore, knowing their background, one should not take seriously these ridiculous attempts to assert themselves at the expense of others. Remind yourself often of your strengths and advantages in life. This will give you the strength to look at the situation differently.
- Learn the rule: other people's opinions are not your problems. What others think is their business, not yours. Even if you are the subject of their statements, this cannot change the true state of affairs in any way. All this gossip or opinions expressed directly can affect you only in one case - if you allow yourself to think about them too seriously. You cannot control other people, so stop trying. Let them suffer from envy of your success, property or opportunities. Such people who are not able to achieve their goals and spend themselves on negative statements and criticism of others can only be regretted.
- People tend to ruin other people's moods. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon these days. If someone has a bad day, for some reason he considers it his duty to spoil the mood of others. In this case, you need to remember that there is nothing personal in such words. They are just the result of a bad day. Maybe this person just got up on his feet today, or spilled a cup of coffee in the morning on a new suit. If, for example, your colleague is in a bad mood, you do not need to write off his remarks as your own mistakes. Forget about it for a while, enjoy your life.
- Surround yourself with those who support you. The ability to rely on the support of friends is important not only for emotional balance, but also for physical health. It is impossible to be constantly on and at the same time remain productive. In your environment, people who disagree with you will often come across. Therefore, you have only two ways - either ignore their opinion, or continue on your way without them.
- Remember those who can be safely called clients of a psychiatric clinic. Studies have shown a sad pattern: the more comfortable the economic and political situation in society, the greater the number of mentally unhealthy people in it is detected. Those who come from villages and small towns immediately notice how tense and anxious the inhabitants of megacities seem to them. The world is full of people who have no idea how to communicate politely with others. This is the contingent whose opinion should not be listened to at all.
Whatever you say won't change anything. So don't even try. It is better to stay away from such people as far as possible. If such a person is present in your work team, it is better to listen to the opinion of those who support you.
Each inhabitant of the planet, as a social being, performs many of his actions with an eye on other members of the society where he lives: whether it will harm them, whether it will cause them discontent. Some make such a reconciliation of public opinion only occasionally, others are not able to fully exist without the approval of others. For them, the problem of how not to pay attention to people broadcasting exclusively discontent and negativity, subjecting every act to merciless criticism or striking with their own stupidity, but not getting tired of being imposed on it, is an urgent problem. To correct the situation will help following some advice from psychologists.
How to Ignore People's Opinions: Boosting Self-Esteem
Difficulties learning to ignore people are usually the result of low self-esteem. Why it is underestimated is the second question. Often this style of behavior and inadequate assessment of one's own personality comes from childhood. Significant adults sometimes, when raising a young member of society, do not even notice that they are breaking him, humiliating his personal dignity, convincing him that they are of no value. If this happens for years, and the character of the child is a priori not too strong, he develops serious psychological complexes on the basis of such negativity. To eradicate them, you will have to work on increasing self-esteem. Auto-trainings, analysis of one's own talents and merits, their development and application in practice will help here.
How to Ignore Negative People: Setting Psychological Boundaries
Often, those who are overly dependent on social evaluation simply violate psychological boundaries. They unwittingly give others the right to criticize every aspect of their own lives, down to personal preferences. A person who pays attention to such trifles runs the risk of losing his own individuality, turning into a shadow of public opinion. To begin with, he needs to ask himself the question of Chatsky: who is judging him? Are perfect beings devoid of flaws? It is necessary to decide whom and to what extent he is ready to let himself in. Stop any attempts by outsiders to speak out on issues that should not worry them, because they are too personal.
How to ignore unpleasant people: knowing yourself and cutting off unconstructive judgments
To eliminate dependence on other people's assessments, you will have to thoroughly work on yourself. First you need to learn to separate the personal from the imposed from the outside. We will have to analyze what our own desires are, what the soul aspires to. Make a plan to achieve those goals. Cut off those aspirations that are manifested due to the requirements of parents or others around and contradict personal needs. Asking the question of how one can ignore a person who bears condemnation, one must be clearly aware that benevolence is not always driven by outsiders in such statements. Some are guided by envy, the desire to humiliate. If someone is pouring negativity simply out of a desire to criticize, it makes sense to ignore his words.
How to Ignore Stupid People: No Touchiness
Anyone who is offended by someone else's criticism only makes things worse for themselves. This does not bring negative feelings to the offenders, and some of them - with troll inclinations - will rejoice at the deterioration in the mood of the one who was poured with emotional slop. There are several options for productive actions on how to ignore a harmful person:
- Ignoring, reducing contacts with unpleasant personalities to a minimum.
- Communicating with those who are unpleasant, exclusively on issues that cannot be avoided, not allowing them to be personal.
- Unwillingness to enter into disputes, especially with narrow-minded individuals. The advice of the great Mark Twain will come in handy here: you should not argue with an idiot, because then you get into his territory, and there he will crush you with his own experience.
- Internal readiness for the adverse consequences of some of their actions, because only the one who is inactive does not make mistakes.
- Lack of regular recovery in the memory of other people's non-constructive statements. This does not mean that a person has ceased to pay attention to himself and his own shortcomings. Only constructive criticism should be taken into account.
How to ignore the rudeness of people: humor to help
It is not easy to resist the outright rudeness of strangers. Educated individuals from this sometimes fall into a stupor. Some have a desire to repay the same, no less rudely speaking out in response. It is impossible to allow such actions, because this is exactly what the boor often achieves, trying to unbalance the other, and then point him to imperfection.
It makes sense to use such experience for hardening one's own character, educating strong-willed qualities. Other people's negativity should be treated approximately the way people paid attention to mold - the history of the invention of antibiotics that saved many lives. In other words, try to extract something useful for yourself from negative situations. Since it is still necessary to fight back against a boor, it is desirable to use directness and humor for such purposes. A good example of this is the situation that arose in public transport with one resourceful woman. She was sent along a route known to many by a former drunk citizen. She replied that she was there more often than this character was sober.
Greetings, dear readers! No wonder they say that life is like a zebra: one stripe is light and the other is dark. So it is with you and me, sometimes pleasant and funny situations happen, and sometimes we get into bad stories. Let's talk about how not to pay attention to negative people, what to do when you have to communicate with such a person and find out which soil is most favorable for negative energy.
When there is no choice
The easiest way to save yourself from an unpleasant conversation is to get up and leave. But what to do when there is no way to avoid it? How to behave if a colleague is in conflict all the time at work?
They say the best defense is an attack. In this case, a completely wrong strategy. The more you defend yourself, delve deeper into the conflict, the more negativity you will attract to yourself. Your angry reaction will only turn on the person more and cause more and more anger in him.
You, on the contrary, should remain as calm and unemotional as possible. Try not to take the situation too seriously. First, a person in an aroused state may say a lot of things that don't really matter. So skip the big half past you. Try not to react to words that hurt you a lot.
Secondly, do not provoke him to an even greater emotional reaction. Your sarcastic smile or sneer, your retaliatory criticism, or your attempt to calm him down can trigger another flare-up of negativity. Just listen to the person, if you have no way to leave, calmly say that you understand everything, but you need time to think it over.
I have an article that details how to behave with people who feel hatred or other similar emotions towards you: "".
Partly cloudy
Even in the southernmost regions, sunny weather does not last all year, sometimes clouds cover the sky and it starts to rain. All your life it will be impossible to surround yourself only with pleasant and kind people. Sooner or later you will come across a person who will try to bring negativity into your life. What can you do to minimize its impact on yourself?
Don't take everything personally. This is the main and most powerful defense in a similar situation. They can pour a lot of whining on you, get personal, say very unpleasant and vile things. Ignore everything.
You know yourself well enough to understand where the truth is about you and where the extra emotions of a negative person are.
Think about why the person is so angry. One day I was in line at the dentist. A woman came and immediately began to figure out who was sitting behind whom, why they didn’t let her go ahead, she began to say nasty things to everyone, she screamed a lot. She never entered the office.
I wondered why a woman could behave in such a way. Maybe she has serious problems at work and she knows no other way out for her emotions. Or her husband is a drunken alcoholic, and the children are pranksters, and she pours out her negativity on strangers in lines, public transport or a store.
Do not try to guide a person on the right path. In emotional stress, a person perceives criticism or an attempt to help him very badly. He becomes even more angry, sees an attack in your words and bristles more.
What attracts negativity
How to determine what attracted negative energy into your life and where does it come from? First, try to look at yourself from the outside. What is your approach to life? How often do you smile and enjoy the little things? Or do you focus on the bad?
In many ways, the person himself treats life badly, and thus. It has been noticed that kind, open and smiling people most often have people similar to them in their environment. And gloomy and evil comrades are surrounded by nasty and grumpy ones.
Therefore, learn to treat life with a light note of cheerfulness. My article "" can help you with this. The more positive energy you give away, the more you will receive in return. boomerang effect.
If you have a negative opinion on any situation, try to reconsider it. For example, you have a bad attitude towards bright makeup on a girl. But what if this makeup is needed for a fantasy shoot? Or you hate dogs. Think about what good they bring to other people.
I'm not asking you to start being nice. I suggest you get rid of the inner negativity. Change it to neutral. The more relaxed you are about life, the less reason you will have to come into conflict with a negative person.
The main thing is to be simpler, not to pay attention to bad words addressed to you, not to provoke a person and not to bully him even more. Expand your horizons, try to think wider. Learn to treat evil people with mercy and compassion.
Where do you most often meet negative people? How are they trying to provoke you into conflict? What are you doing to keep your composure?
Look at the world with a smile and it will smile back at you more often.
Best wishes to you!